We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for the prolonged interruption in service that began in January 2001 and lasted until approximately three days ago.
The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced on November 4, 2008. Due to the inbred nature of the flawed software, it took approximately ten weeks to reboot.
Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now operating correctly, and we are pleased to confirm that full functionality was regained on January 20, 2009.
We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage.
We look forward to resuming full service immediately and hope to improve on our past record in the years to come.
We thank you for your patience and understanding,
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA